Four-Way Stop Etiquette, Nose Cracking and the Wisdom of Jack Handey

If you were in my office, you’d … see a very large dead plant.

The quality I most like in a lawyer is … humor.

My pre-trial routine is … a leisurely stop at the bathroom.

My career high point (so far) has been … any jury trial win.

If I weren’t a lawyer, I’d be … a stay-at-home dad.

When I win a case, I celebrate by … sleeping at night.

I can do a pretty good impersonation of … David Dusek. Dave is a colleague of mine that I like to tease because of his Southern accent.

My real-life hero is … my wife, Frieda. She’s so gracious to me. 

On weekends I … love to do art with my daughters.

My most bizarre talent is … to crack my nose. Seriously, I can crack my nose. 

On my best day I … smile without having to tell myself to smile.

My motto is … Always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.” –Jack Handey

I get angry when … another car clearly pulls up to a four-way stop before me, and the driver tries to wave me through the intersection. You were there first. Just drive through the intersection before I lose my mind.

My earliest memory is … pushing my oldest sister off a rocking horse.

The movie line I quote most often is … My children would say it is the line from Caddyshack: “You’ll get nothing and like it.” 

Nothing cheers me up like … ice cream smothered with chocolate syrup and melted peanut butter. 

My guilty pleasure is … ice cream smothered with chocolate syrup and melted peanut butter.

My courtroom walk-up song would be … “Centerfield” by John Fogerty.

The craziest thing I witnessed in a courtroom is … a defendant try to enter pleas of guilty for the uncharged offenses of heresy and witchcraft.

The question I wish people would stop asking is … “When are you going to grow up?”